Cat’s Out of The Bag
No one will ever look at you the same
Opening up to family and friends about my battle with anxiety has been freeing. Daily struggles with physical symptoms are enough, without the added pressure of trying to pretend to be normal. Wearing a mask whenever I leave home, is tiring.
Anxiety can seem silly to those who have never felt it. I am not talking about the normal, healthy level of anxiety that we all feel when we are facing difficult situations. The anxiety I am referring to is the smoky black hand that grabs your heart and squeezes the life out of you.
Those who have felt it will probably never be able to forget the feeling. Anxiety’s life-sucking presence is bearable for those who have others to lean on. However, the moment you call out for help, you will never be seen the same again.
The scarlet letter
This post is not intended to shame those who give so much of themselves to support anxiety sufferers. If you are the parent, spouse, of friend of someone with mental health issues like anxiety, you deserve a medal. You carry more than your share of the load in life.
No one is at fault for the stigma that comes with the label of anxiety, along with many other mental health disorders. When people lack understanding, they seek to label things. Giving something a label makes it easier to process and catalog.
Those of us with mental health issues are different. Perhaps we appear socially awkward, or easily angered. It may not be fair, but we can expect to be treated differently.
I am often frustrated when I hear of people who were taken to the hospital because of chest pains or rapid heart rate, only to discover they were suffering a heart attack. When I experience the same symptoms, there is no excitement. No one rushes to call an ambulance.
Why not? Because it happens regularly. There is most likely no emergency.
The anxiety is only compounded when I consider the possibility that one day I might experience true heart complications, but no one will respond accordingly. They will do what they think is in my best interest and tell me that I am having an anxiety attack. But what if that is not the case?
It can sometimes feel as if no one cares when the closest people in your life do not react as expected when you are stricken by fear. You will feel as if you are the boy who cried wolf, but you have convinced yourself he is there. You are your own worst enemy.
Liberation
There are occasions when I wish I could turn back the hands of time. There is also tremendous freedom found in sharing your secret. The effort spent to keep others from realizing your struggle is better spent in other ways.
You might be judged by some, and laughed at by others. Or, you just might get no reaction at all. Still, I have found that sharing my struggles helps others.
Many people live their lives behind walls they have built for their own protection. They wear masks to hide their true identity. When you share your experiences, it can often break down those barriers and expose a like-minded soul.
Sharing your story will empower others. The feeling that comes from helping others feel seen, or known, is worth the laughs and the judgement from weak-minded individuals without empathy. Turning the negative into something positive might give you a feeling of power over your anxiety.
Anxiety, some types more than others, can cause sufferers to withdraw. Even those of us who claim to be loners, need human connection. We are made for community.
I may choose to keep my social circles small and tight, but I still have a need for people in my life. At times, I may lean on those connections too much and abuse them as a crutch or medicine for my anxiety. Regardless, I need them.
I have found that sharing my struggles with anxiety has allowed me to relax more and participate in social experiences that I used to want to run from.This is very helpful in my career as I don’t have a choice of ignoring coworkers. People can see that I am trying, even when I am not a social butterfly.
Challenge
You might be reading this post and wondering to yourself what the point is. Let me be very clear. I want you to consider sharing your challenges with mental health with others.
You should consider taking the risk of opening up to someone, or to a group of people and letting them in. Remove the mask. Be real.
It will not be easy. I do not want to oversimplify the task I am calling you to. But many of the best things in life are not easy.
Start with someone close to you that you feel you can trust. Frankly, if they are very close, they already know you have some challenges. Giving them some clarity into the reason for your behavior might be eye-opening for them.
A word of caution as you take this giant leap: You cannot shove the cat back into the bag after you let it out. I know you are probably mad at me now. Someone tells you to share your story and then they warn you about the finality of the decision.
The truth is that there is a trade-off. Even the people who love and care for you the most will see you differently if they were not aware this other side of you. Some might have detected it already.
The decision to share your story can only be made by one person. You, and you alone. Don’t let some random faceless Internet guy like me tell you how to run your life.
I hope that you take some time to consider this suggestion. Many people will probably benefit from personal examples of this task if you want to share your experience. Do you have a story from your own life that would help others free themselves from the chains of a secret?
